What's in your Toolbox?
I’m hoping the title of this post made you look. Of course, I’m not really talking about your actual tool box that you may (or may not have) to fix things around the house. Instead, this post is about what I call your self care toolbox – that place where you can go and you have a list of the activities and things which will help you deal with a difficult day, or time.
As a counselor, one of the things I would assess with a client during our first session was what type of self care activities did they practice. It’s truly surprising the amount of people who are shocked by this question. Not to be stereotypical, but it was a majority of female clients who would state they don’t have time for self care.
Self care is not a bad word or concept. In actuality, it is necessary to survive. As I was seeing individuals who had been caregivers (often for a long time) or who were in shock over a sudden (often traumatic) death, the first priority should always be to practice self care.
This week has not been easy for me as my Nanny has become dehydrated from nausea and vomiting and is currently in her Hospice’s Care Center for symptom management. As one of her caregivers (remember my aunt and I are sharing this in many ways), it can be all too easy to forget about my own needs. This is what happens when one is a caregiver. The patient takes precedent, their needs are a priority. However, as a caregiver, if I do not care for myself, I can not be there for my Nanny.
An analogy, I would use with my clients would be to imagine having a dinner party and you have a pitcher filled with water. You are continuously making sure your guests have water in their glasses. What happens if you do not return to your kitchen to fill up the pitcher with water? Your guests go without.
It is the same with being a caregiver of someone who is sick,or being a parent or a spouse. If you aren’t taking care of your needs you can not be there for the one you love.
Thus, when I was working as a grief counselor, we established the topic of a self care toolbox with clients. On Pinterest, there was a great link on the Love, Actually blog in regards to a bad day box. It can also be used for a self care toolbox. I would encourage my clients to find a box they liked and decorate it or even find a pretty box that made them happy. Inside would be items and a list which would remind them of activities which are helpful.
Because let’s be honest, when we are in the midst of a bad day or time, we often forget some of the basic activities which could help. Above, I included a picture of a self care card. For my clients who didn’t want to be crafty, I would simply encourage them to make a list of activities which are beneficial. I’m currently working with someone that I supervise and we know she is about to enter a difficult time at work. Thus I’ve encouraged her to begin her own self care card for those days when life is crazy.
A self care toolbox or card is going to be different for everyone and there is not a right or a wrong way. Each of us are unique and what helps me may or may not help you. However, there are some basic activities which I do find we each need to remember to do when we are stressed.
Some of the items on my card include:
Breathe: When stressed it becomes natural to have shallow breathing and often to hold your breath. I’ve often given handouts on how to take a deep breath. This may sound silly but taking a deep slow breath for a count of four, holding it for six and slowly exhaling for a count of eight changes the whole body. This is also great if your find yourself worrying about something. Our mind can not worry and focus on counting at the same time.
Stretch: This is another basic activity that we each need to do daily. So many people get straight out of bed and don’t stretch. Our bodies need to move, especially when we are stressed. It would make me laugh when I would have a client in front of me who was so stressed that they would be holding their shoulders to their ears – but they would say they didn’t need to stretch. We often become so tense that we don’t realize how tight our muscles are. Basic stretches such as head rolls, shoulder rolls and arm stretches are a huge benefit. It’s also a good idea to put on your card to go and get a massage.
Drink Water: Most of us walk around dehydrated and when we are stressed, we need hydration. It’s easier to reach out for caffeine for a boost but water is a better choice.
Take a Walk: Or move in some form. Walking, running, movement is a great stress reliever. Often people are surprised that it doesn’t have to be a long walk. Often it just needs to be a walk around the yard, or down the street to the stop sign and back.
Call/see a Friend: Know who the people are in your life that you can call to vent or that will make you laugh. When we are stressed it is easy to become isolated from our friends. I know who the people are in my life that I can send a text to or call but I’ve also reminded them that I need them to check in on me.
Listen to Music: I could do a whole post on the power of music (that will come later). I encourage people to create a play list on their iPhone or ipod to listen to. Music has the power to give you energy and also to help you move.
Other suggestions for your toolbox include:
- meditation,
- aromatherapy (don’t just buy the candle, burn it),
- treat yourself to something like Starbucks (of course if you do it every day, it’s not always treat),
- color or play a game such as Bejeweled (research shows that doing an activity repeatedly decreases blood pressure – if you are concerned about doing it for too long set a timer)
- a piece or two of dark chocolate can improve your mood (just try to not eat the whole bag).
Knowing what I need to do for myself has helped me over the past seven months. I will be honest and say there have been many times I’ve been so overwhelmed that I didn’t do many of the things I needed to do. However, having a card and box is a place for me to go and remember that I need to drink more water or take a walk.
I hope you will take some time today and think about your own toolbox.
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