So, What Do You Do?
Does it bother you that when meeting someone for the first time, the first thing they ask is “What do you do?”
We identify ourselves by our jobs. Others develop an idea about us by the profession we have or have not chosen. The titles we have and the roles we play become how we see ourselves. By answering this question, we often only share a small piece of who we are. However, we also live in a society that wants a small sound bite and desires to know who we are in a small concise manner.
Brene Brown addresses the subject of slash careers in her book The Gift of Imperfection. She describes herself as a mom/ partner/researcher/ writer/ storyteller and a list of several other things. She also shares the story of meeting a woman who designed jewelry (Brene was wearing some of her earrings) and when the question was asked, “How long have you been a jeweler?”, the woman replied, “I wish, I’m a CPA, not a real jeweler.” Brene found it funny as she was standing there wearing jewelry that the woman had created.
Not long after I left my career as a full time grief counselor at a respected agency, I realized that I would no longer have just one job. Gone were the days of being able to answer the question “What do you do?” with one answer. Although, I have found that depending upon the circumstance, I may only provide one answer.
To share any day of my life is to share that I am continuously moving back and forth between the different realms of my life. Although by nature I crave structure, the new routine ebbs and flows which at times can be frustrating.
I have friends and acquaintances who suddenly felt I was not working after I left my full time job. I even heard, “Well that’s good that you are working again.” when I chose to join my current clinic.
What? So teaching 3 college courses is no longer considered work? Keeping my house organized and planning/cooking meals is not work? It is sad that simply because one’s life doesn’t mirror what mainstream society feels it should be that comments like this are being made. I find validation when I meet with others like my friend Emily, who has shared the same has been said to her.
As I have written multiple bios of myself (not an easy task) for different events, trainings and resources, I have become more acceptable with acknowledging that I have slash careers. I can no longer be placed into one category.
So what do I do?
I am wife/friend/counselor/life coach/speaker/trainer/blogger/writer/advocate/college instructor. My hobbies include decorating/reading/exercise/gardening/being outdoors/traveling. In all honesty, I could share even more.
- I can not share with you a typical day in the life because there are never two days that are the same.
- I try to get up most morning to workout at 5:30 – some days are better than others.
- Currently I see private clients on Tuesday and Thursdays with some on other days of the week. I also teach on Tuesdays evenings.
- I provide clinical supervision to 4 students on a weekly basis.
- I must prepare and grade weekly papers for two classes. In addition to Tuesday I have a two hour class on Wednesdays.
- I am in the process of preparing an online CEU class offering and provide CEU trainings in person bimonthly.
- We don’t have a housekeeper, so that falls to me one day of the week, typically Friday or Saturday.
- I have to regularly schedule my friends as we are all busy women.
- Fridays nights are typically our date night at home.
- I write a blog and spend a little time each day focusing on posts and connecting with others.
So, what do you do?
How do you identify yourself? Have you established a slash career?
Thanking Mia and Vashelle for another wonderful Write or Die Wednesday Prompt. Please join them for more.
Loving this post. Since going from full time to part time to stay home with my son I actually feel more at peace with my “identity”. Before I became a mom I had a hard time feeling like “me” I just wanted so badly to have a child in my life. For others I know that wouldn’t agree with me, but for me it’s a big deal! But I also don’t want to be “just” a stay at home mom, even though ALL THE WORK it entails is ridiculous! So I’m many things… I’m a library worker/a chronic illness survivor/a wife/a daughter/a mother/church worker/creative writer and blogger/ cook/ friend/ and a recreational therapist according to my degree haha!!!
Whitney, it is so wonderful to hear that you feel more at peace. I also know you are working your butt off – stay at home Moms do not get the credit they deserve. It is important that we allocate our time where we feel renewed. I think it’s important to realize that you can work hard and feel renewed when it’s your passion. It’s a blessing you can do this. I love all of your slashes – keep adding to them!
This is so true, Sheryl. We all wear many hats throughout our days, weeks, etc. “So, what do you do?” is by far one of my biggest pet peeves when meeting new people. I want to be like, “I’m a professional awesome possum. What do YOU do?” lol. 🙂
Thanks for sharing a glimpse into your life with us! Love seeing your posts! xo
I think one time I am going to rattle off all that I do and what I am and see the response I get! Of course, what I am imagining is far funner than it could be. I picture Tina Fey playing me! 🙂 My hope is to embrace the multiple careers I have taken on. You know I love your prompts. XO
Its interesting you say that we define ourselves by our jobs
as I would say that we are very much defined by others by our jobs. And imagine
if you don’t have a ‘job’ well a paid one, as that is what I feel people are really
asking (although that could be my insecurity coming through) While it seemed
acceptable for me to say homemaker when my children were younger, now that they
are all grown there appears to be an expectation that I should have a better
answer. I have many girlfriends who are highly educated and left well-paid
careers to become homemakers, for various reasons. Now, as we reflect on our
choices it opens an interesting debate about the benefits, and consequences, of
the paths we took. Thankfully we still have the next chapters of our lives to
now plan and many of us are exploring different options. Thanks for such an interesting
article, Im sure I will continue this discussion with my girlfriends
Sue, Thanks for joining in on the discussion. I think you are correct when you say that others define us by the jobs that we do but I also think we then begin to define ourselves in that manner. It’s the question which comes first. Our society wants us to have a “title” and then when the “title” doesn’t seem appropriate enough there becomes the agnst. But the question is who says what is appropriate? Our lives are full of transitions we go from students to workers, we may add in being married, there may be children, we may be caregivers to young and old. My hope is that we will each be able to respect that we are more than one thing. You are a writer and you share your thoughts on travel with your husband and being a mother to young women who are becoming their own women. I’m going to call you a world explorer! So glad you stopped by and we connected.
Love this! I wrote about this not long ago so I think you know how I feel about this question! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your perspective, wise as usual!
Thanks Daisy. I believe this is a topic that we all are thinking about more often than we used to.
Yes. I get this all the time. And am getting tired of it. I am a writer, blogger, reader, dog walker/lover, etc. I work enough for a full time job but most people think I dont work at all. Like “then how do I pay my bills?”
Although our society is changing in how it views careers, I find that most everyone is still stuck in thinking everyone should be going to an office, sitting in a cubicle and leaving at 5. Thanks for stopping by helping the discussion. I love your career slashes!!
This is so interesting, because I probably would probably ask that and not think anything of it. But I definitely get your point. We are more than just our jobs and this is a great reminder of that!
Kristyn, I think we all do it. I know that I have. It’s a conversation started but we truly don’t get to know someone in that manner. I think it’s better to start off with something else but it’s become such a common comment that it is hard.
Such a good and interesting post! I’m so curious, so I know I’m guilty for asking that question! Personally, I loved hearing more about your and your schedule, even though it’s never the same! I too workout at 5:30 😉
Thanks Caroline. Just give an example of one day truly doesn’t do justice as I’m multi tasking a lot of things. I will spend an hour working on a presentation, then grade papers. I’ve been known to grade papers when a client is a no show or cancels so I travel with different things to my office. I’m not perfect at 5:30 everyday but I am getting there.
I’m so glad you shared this! I have often wondered the same thing- why are we only defined by our jobs or careers? It’s refreshing to have someone who covers all facets.
Thank You Becca! I want each of us to start realizing we are more than what we get paid to do. We are so much more and we need to be proud of it.
This was really interesting, I wrote a similar piece on my page “who is Mac?” We are so many things, it is hard to put a label on ourselves or our day. I loved your post #WODW
I’m so glad we connected Mackenzie. I am going to go check out your post. I find it interesting that I’ve heard from a few other bloggers that they have written similar posts or have thought about writing it. It makes the subject larger that we are all thinking about it.
This is genius. I have felt the same thing but couldn’t articulate it quite like you. It’s amazing how many roles we take on as women. We don’t have a housekeeper either and it really is difficult to take care of a home! I had no clue! I love reading about your days; I think you are so interesting!
As I’m not working a “full-time” paying job, we let go of having someone clean – although I admit I have someone come twice a year. I’ve told my husband I didn’t realize how big our house really was. Thus, some things don’t get cleaned as often as they used to but it’s not hurting anyone. Thank You for your comment about being interesting – that makes me smile!
Ever since I had to leave my job, I not only realized how much I identified myself with the job, but how much other people identified me with the job because it was a very unique job.
Now, if I do happen to meet new people, I try to ask anything but that question, not just because I don’t want to talk about my job/health, but because I want to know something else about them.
All the points you made about teaching (teaching is about the hardest job out there!), and doing all the other things are so excellent!
As a counselor, so many of my clients can not truly tell me about who they are – their likes, why they do what they do etc. We don’t help each other when we only discuss our jobs. I try to ask people where they are originally from, how did they end up living here, where they go on vacation. If we all try to go a little further with knowing each other, we will be able to know ourselves more.
Oh, Sheryl! As always, this post resonates so much.
There have been many days when I felt like a failure cause I had yet to find the one title that fits me.
When I quit teaching there were a few judgmental teachers that said things like “She wasted her education,” “What is she going to do now?” And while it hurt to be talked about by people who never really took the time to get to know me, I knew deep in my heart that I am, indeed, a teacher; but I also know that I am so much more.
Like you mention, a bio is always the hardest thing for me to write. We’re always evolving and discovering new facets of ourselves, aren’t we? 🙂
Thank you for sharing such an interesting and reflective post. You make #WODW so rich!
You are not the only one who has commented what others have said when you left your job. If only as women we could simply become more supportive of each others decisions. By supporting each other and helping each other find how we define ourselves we are only strengthening ourselves. You are a teacher every day to your children and your education is certainly put to use. You are a writer and you educate and inspire by your words. As always, thank you!! XOXO
This is SO interesting to me because lately it seems like Alex and I have been in situations where we’re meeting new people and “so what do you do?” Seems to be a good ice breaker. On the contrary I got on him because I told him that it’s an uncomfortable question for women- it seems like women in general have a harder time answering the question. Perhaps it’s because we women often see ourselves in multiple roles Exacrly like you described above and maybe men find a more defined career role. Not to say that the two cant switch but it’s an interesting topic. We’re trying to find different ice breaker questions because the what do you do can be uncomfortable. Great post- very thought provoking!
Ugh. Yes! I am a mother, nurse, housekeeper, architectural historian, blogger, gardener, musician, health/fitness and birth advocate and many many other things.
I think this is something a lot of us can identify with- even if we’re not wives or mothers. When I’m traveling alone, people usually ask me what I do, and there’s always some hesitation before answering. Do I say what I do to earn money? Do I say what interests me the most? Right now, I say I’m a baby-sitter, work in a bakery, blogger, and traveler (as well as wife, sister, daughter, friend, aunt, dog owner). Popping by from SITS Sharefest, have a good weekend!
Worst question ever. For 10 years I never defined myself by my job. I fell into the career and didn’t love it. It always bugged me when people would push me to talk about it. “What do you do? Do you like it? How did you get into it?” There’s so much more to me than what I do for income. But, for some reason we get so stuck on what people “do.”
Now, I’m working on making what I “do”, something I actually want to talk about.
Great post!
Awesome! I am so excited to hear that you are working on making what you do what you want to talk about. You are so correct that we are so much more than what we do for an income. If we each slowly start this movement, I hope we will can change society’s perspective and realize we are each more. So glad you stopped by.
Yes, I hope so too!