I will not even pretend to tell you that this weekend hasn’t been difficult. Yesterday, I spent some alone time at my childhood home before we close on the sale at the end of the month. Surprisingly, this was not as difficult as you would think. My Mom is not in that house and that house, although full of many memories, is no longer my home. As I am one who feels the universe delivers us what we need when we need it. I find it fitting that we are closing on the house exactly one year after Mom’s death. In many ways it feels as if I can complete something. Or in a sense, let it go. Within a matter of a few weeks, I can let go of the technical issues related to estate work. It is closure. However, it does not add closure on my grief. In many ways I believe it will allow me to feel my grief in a way in which I could not over the past year. When you are worrying about the ends and outs of tangible resources, it is easy to place your grief aside.
I spent a few hours at the house, wrote several pages in my personal journal and was thankful for the opportunity in front of me. As I approached Mom’s death anniversary, I felt prepared and “on top of my emotions.”
And then I received a text from a friend. Yesterday morning, her husband was found dead likely of a pulmonary embolism.. She is in shock. I am in shock. She lost her mother to kidney cancer (the same as my Mom) only a few years ago. She is 47 with two teenage children.
And I begin to feel and cry for my friend in a way that I have not been able to for myself. And then I had the thoughts that I wasn’t sure how I could support her and deal with my own emotions. I’m not sure who the emotions are for – but they are there. And that is a good thing. It is as if her loss now provides me permission to feel my own.
This week will be like any other in regards to there will be classes to teach and appointments to make. Unless you know me, you will not know the significance of dates or how my heart is breaking – for my beautiful friend and her children, and FINALLY for the daughter who lost her Mother last February.
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Grief is a tricky thing. It hits you at the most unexpected moments and things trigger it that you would have never guessed. I am glad you are getting some closure. It is never easy.
Shannon
Thank you Shannon – I knew the week would be tricky but my friend’s loss has opened up emotions I kept at bay – simply because I had to!
🙁 Again, I’m so sorry for your loss of your mother and for your friend’s loss. Another commenter said it well, you never know when grief will hit us. As my mom prepares to move out of the childhood home I shared with her and my grandmother after my grandmother’s death, this post hits home for me. Hugs.
Thank you Holly! It is so nice to know that others understand what I am feeling. It’s amazing what it feels like when it is time to let go of a home.