How To Say No

How To Make A Life

 
Did you know that “No” is a complete sentence? 

Many women struggle with saying No. There is a sense of obligation. A feeling that no one else can fulfill the request.

In 2014, I established saying yes as my word of the year. Having that focus helped me to focus upon new opportunities I may have otherwise ignored. At the same time I was saying Yes, I had to say No to different things which have come along.
  Over the past week, I have found myself saying No to a few business opportunities which did not feel right to me. I will be the first to admit that at first I considered saying yes as every entrepreneur desires a paycheck. However, I wasn’t happy with many aspects and knew that saying No was the best thing (despite the possible paycheck).
I wanted to spend time today revisiting  this previous post which discusses the art of saying no, why we need to sometimes say it and how it can become a part of your self care routine. (many thanks to Emily of Authentically Emmie for having this post on retweet and reminding me)
[tweetthis twitter_handles=”@how2makealife”]Did you know that “No” is a complete sentence? [/tweetthis]
 
It doesn’t need any explanation or excuse. It stands alone. However, most of us have difficulty in allowing it to be its own response.
 
Many of us simply think that we can do it all. We can work 40 hours a week, cook dinner nightly, chair a committee, take the kids to practice, make cute decorations for the party, and plan a surprise party for our parents anniversary. I believe that many of us even say yes to situations without considering the ramifications of the choice.
 
Always saying “Yes” isn’t healthy.

Perhaps we agree to things because we truly do want to be helpful; or we feel it’s an honor to be asked; or we want to be liked and feel saying no will make us look bad.

Whatever your reasons for constantly saying Yes, here are some ideas on how to say No. 

Remember: 
  • Saying NO can be a form of self care and IS NOT being selfish. When we say NO we are honoring existing obligations.
  • Saying NO can allow you to try new things. Always agreeing to take part in the same events or activities does not expand your skills set or network.
  • Saying NO can open the door for others to step up. There have been a few times in my life when others have said no to tasks that have allowed me to take the lead in the situation. In reverse, I have said no to opportunities which have allowed others to take on new responsibilities.
  • Saying NO can ease stress in your life.  Weigh the stress that saying yes will place on your life. Take time to consider what you will need to change in order to make time for the new task and responsibility? Will the outcome be worth the stress it will place upon your life? Be cautious in regards to eliminating self care time in order to add more to your schedule. Neglecting yourself will only be harmful in the end.

How To Say No 

  • Be Firm and Say NO. Use the word NO. Don’t be afraid to say it. No is a complete sentence.
  • If you feel and explanation is needed, be brief.  “That isn’t going to work with my schedule.” “That isn’t going to work for me.” You do not need to provide any further explanation.
  • Be Honest.  Don’t create an excuse that isn’t real. This will often only backfire and you may be caught which creates even more stress.
  • Be Respectful. There will always be good causes and organizations that you want to support. However,   their needs may not fit into your schedule. Compliment the work that is going on and share how much you respect them. You may even want to state “I can’t do this ______ but perhaps I could do __________.”
  • Be Ready to Repeat. You will likely run into someone who continues to push, hoping they will find you in a weak moment where you change your mind. While my Mom was receiving treatment, I was asked to accept a board position 3 different times (by three different individuals). By the third ask, I  found myself looking at my life and wondering if I could make it happen. Fortunately, I was able to stand strong and say No once again.
Do you find it difficult to say No? I challenge you this week to think before saying yes. 
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15 Comments

  1. Anne @ Love the Here and Now on June 15, 2016 at 8:03 am

    We all need to hear this! We often associate saying no with guilt and worry that people will see that we can’t do it all…heaven forbid right? By saying no we are empowering ourselves and setting boundaries, both of which are necessary!



    • Sheryl @ How to Make a Life on June 15, 2016 at 8:20 pm

      Isn’t it amazing how we associate No with negative emotions rather than empowering. My hope is we will someday not have to have this discussion.



  2. Katie Arnold on June 15, 2016 at 9:27 am

    I’m definitely trying to find the BALANCE between “no” and “yes” and knowing when I’m taking part in self care and when I’m being a bit too selfish.



    • Sheryl @ How to Make a Life on June 15, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      It is about finding balance. It takes time and it’s important to remember we may say yes to an event one time and later need to say no to the same event.



  3. Meagan on June 15, 2016 at 9:36 am

    I’m pretty bad at saying no. I feel like I can handle so much, but really most of the time, I can’t. I’m working on it and have done it more often recently!



    • Sheryl @ How to Make a Life on June 15, 2016 at 8:17 pm

      It’s a process. I think most of us think we can do so much more than we should be doing. (Notice I said should) Just remember it is ok to say No.



  4. Trish @ The Trish List on June 15, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    I really have a hard time saying no myself. I am getting better, but notice people treat me differently when I do say no. It’s so sad. I need to do what’s right for me and people can’t understand that when you change your way of doing things.



    • Sheryl @ How to Make a Life on June 15, 2016 at 8:16 pm

      When we suddenly change our ways of doing things, those around us will do their best to make us go back to the old ways. I’m proud of you for saying No. You are the only one who will take care of you.



  5. Emelia @ Dream Big & Buy the S on June 15, 2016 at 5:29 pm

    I love that you bring to light the importance and NEED to say no instead of yes. We feel that we need to be 110% busy and not let anyone down, when it’s not good for our mental health to be so overwhelmed. Love this!



    • Sheryl @ How to Make a Life on June 15, 2016 at 8:12 pm

      Thanks Emelia! We are so conditioned to say Yes and staying busy that it feels akward and odd but it is so necessary. I think we sometimes forget that we have a choice.



  6. Bourbon & Lipstick on June 15, 2016 at 8:38 pm

    I love “…no is a complete sentence.” I have been dealing with this a lot at work lately, and, literally replied to an email with only “no.” A few co-workers got a kick out of it, but, that was my reply! You just have to put your foot down and take care of yourself sometimes.



    • Sheryl @ How to Make a Life on June 15, 2016 at 8:41 pm

      Unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary, we truly don’t need offer any explanations. No is No



  7. Emily @ Ember Grey. on June 16, 2016 at 9:46 am

    Love that you wrote and shared this. Learning how to say no (and really, to JUST DO IT – because sometimes that’s the only way to start!) has been a project of mine for the last 7 years. For me, moving on from “it” (whatever that “it” was) after I’ve said no has been the most important part for me… if I stay on it for too long, that’s when I begin to overthink and worry.



  8. Missy Quigley on June 17, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    I have been working on saying no more often and it is so freeing! I wish I would have done this years ago! Excellent post, thank you for sharing!



  9. Holly Higgins on June 23, 2016 at 9:26 am

    I am currently in this position where I have several people pressuring me to take over leadership of an organization I’m involved in. While they say they will still be involved and help, I’m really hesitant because I don’t want to be in a position where I’m having to do everything and no one steps up. Been there, done that and no thank you!