The Consequences of the Truth
If you are not a regular journal writer, you may find it helpful to utilize prompts to get you started. Today I wanted to share the following prompt.
What do you think about honesty? Do you think little white lies are OK/necessary? Or do you believe in being honest to a fault?
I believe that many times we are not completely honest as a way to save someone’s feelings. We mostly live in a polite world where we often do change our version of the truth.
The reality is that both lies and the truth have consequences.
As an end of life social worker, I’ve worked in a field where physicians have often delayed being honest about a patient’s diagnosis. Many times the discomfort with the truth lies not in how the patient will receive the news but the discomfort for the individual delivering the news. Physicians are trained to heal. Admitting a diagnosis is terminal or chronic can often feel like failure. The results in the lie (or not the complete truth) can lead to months of painful treatment where the quality of life becomes nonexistent. The consequences can mean less quality time with family and loved ones and avoidance of the reality of end of life. The consequences for the deliver can mean comfort in not having to address a painful topic but also an impact on how the family will be viewed when the truth does come out. The consequences of the truth may lead to discomfort for the physician but can also lead to a place of emotional acceptance. The truth for someone with a terminal illness can allow time to complete a bucket list, reflect and hopefully prepare.I understand that both sharing the truth and changing the truth (or lying) are often necessary.
We lie to protect ourselves. We lie to protect others. My Mother chose to not hear the complete truth about her cancer diagnosis but she allowed me to speak to her doctor. I knew the truth and kept it from her (until before her death) because that was her desire. I’ve been told by a dear friend and colleague that I am a counselor unafraid of confrontation. At first, I denied this fact. No one wants to be known as confrontative. However, I’ve learned to embrace this characteristic. Clients come to me with issues. They desire to change their life..We can not change if we allow ourselves to deny the truth.
Simple lies are we can’t lose weight because we don’t admit we don’t exercise. Complex lies can include the affair started because there was unhappiness in a marriage. (For the record, I develop a relationship with a client before I ever confront big issues.)The truth is painful but it can truly set you free.
Nonetheless, I truly don’t feel we can be honest all of the time. We are polite. We want to maintain relationships. I don’t feel that there can be a set directive in regards to always being honest. It depends upon the situation. The reasons will be varied. We must weigh if the benefit of being honest outweighs being dishonest. Not telling someone you don’t like their outfit or haircut is much different from keeping knowledge of a serious situation.What are your thoughts on telling the truth?
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How thought-provoking, Sheryl. This truly made me question if I would want to know certain big truths, such as a prognosis. It’s tough stuff, but I like thinking about it.
You are totally right too, about lies AND truths having consequences. Either way, certain knowledge or actions require a choice between giving the truth or telling a lie, and we have to live with whatever choice we make.
Sometimes, one of the most unfortunate things to happen is to become privy to a truth about someone else and having to decide to tell or not.
Glad to see you back! You were missed 🙂
I miss participating Shelly! I suppose my background always has me questioning what I would want to know… are we better off not knowing somethings. When I was in college, young and engaged, my fiance was cheating on me. Of course, I found out but I also found out that our group of friends had known for some time and had chosen not to tell me. Some said they didn’t want to hurt me but their silence changed our friendship.
Very thought provoking and interesting point of view from an entirely different perspective. When my mom was in the hospital before she died, there was some extended family drama going on outside her room. When I returned to her room cause I had heard and had enough, mom asked me what they were up to. I knew that I couldn’t lie to her – so instead I simply told her that “you really don’t want to know”. If you read my post today, you know that I was raised to be honest no matter what. So when mom looked at me and said…TELL ME … well I told her. But the important point is that my mom had her wits about her until she took her last breath. To lie to her would not have made the situation any better; she already knew something was going on & by golly she wanted to know what.
Mitzi, you did the right thing because as you said, she already knew what was going on. I think that keeping the truth from someone can be more painful that telling them the truth. I also know that individuals are stronger than others sometime think.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Sheryl. Truly. Your words are so beautiful – they always teach me something new. I like what you said about there not being a set directive for honesty – that it depends on the situation. I totally agree 100%. Thanks so much for linking up! We missed you! 🙂 xo
Thank you Mia! I miss the linkup on the weeks I can participate.
This was incredibly thought provoking and beautifully written. You’re so right- we lie to protect ourselves and others and sometimes we do it to be polite. I also think it’s great that you develop relationship with a client before tackling big issues. I think one of my main problems with “mainstream evangelism” is that you’re seeking to influence the very core of a person’s nature without first developing a relationship- if we only knew how important the relationship was! Beautiful post!
Sarah, it’s so nice to hear someone else say what I also feel. We truly need to develop relationships with people. It’s in relationships that we truly touch others.
I personally prefer to hear the truth, even if it’s something that will upset me. I am always much more upset and hurt if I am told a lie, or not the complete truth and then find out everything later. While it may make me come across as abrasive at times, I try to treat others in this way. Tact is always something I struggle with, but I would much rather let someone know my true thoughts and feelings on the matter than hide it.
When we hide our true thoughts and feelings, they eventually leak out in ways that aren’t always the most politically correct. Of course, that can create it’s own problems! It’s better to be honest that not.