When Life Doesn't Seem Real
I know there has been many things going on in America this past week but let me tell you about my week……..
My restful, fun vacation was to have concluded with a short two hour flight home. Straight flight from Ft Lauderdale to Lexington. Should have been quick, easy, painless. As I posted on Facebook – one gets what they pay for when they fly a budget airline. My husband and I have made frequent trips on Allegiant Airlines with no problems. My return home was nothing but one big problem.
At first the flight was delayed, then the plane arrived but a part needed to be replaced, then after another hour wait – we were informed that the plane couldn’t be fixed – but the plane coming in from Huntington would be able to take us home. We were assured there would be no problem. We waited and finally boarded the flight, the flight attendant went through the safety checklist, the plane was getting ready to be pulled from the terminal when the pilot informed he was being told he COULD NOT fly because by the time we made it to Lexington, he would be over his allotted work hours by 10 minutes.
Now, I understand it is important for pilots to have rest. I worked with family members of the Comair 5191 crash in Lexington. I want my pilot to be rested. However, shouldn’t the airline had known the pilot had been working since 4:00am? There would be no flight with that airline until Tuesday morning – and as some of you know from a previous post – my Nanny was having surgery on Tuesday at 2:00. I HAD to get to Lexington.
So after much standing in line and thanks to my friend for helping….. I was booked on a US Air flight at 5:00 am on Tuesday morning. Thankfully my hotel was comfortable, but I didn’t sleep. I made my flight and found myself running through the Charlotte airport to catch my connector. I should also add that I wanted to hug and kiss every US Air employee I saw. I’m just thankful there was a flight to get me home. I made it home – exhausted but in time to see Nanny before her surgery.
Her surgery did not last as long as expected and she came out of it looking great (at least, I think so). My friend remarked that she can only hope to look this good at the age of 86 – much less a few hours after surgery. (This picture was taken about 3 hours after surgery).
The short news in regards to the biopsy results taken last Friday is they were negative. However, her Cancer blood count results are at a high mark for colon cancer. The doctors are also concerned there may be cells in her stomach as she has fluid build up.
Most of the week has been waiting – for Nanny to gain energy in regards to walking, to monitor her pain, waiting on the pathology reports………
I was blessed to have members of the Palliative Care team (who also happen to be Hospice employees) to talk to in regards to what was and wasn’t on the chart. It truly does help to know people! The initially thought from the doctor was radiation would be required.
Of course my first thought was if this is cancer – she should have Hospice Care. After some discussion of options, I requested a hospice referral to the Hospice which cared for my Mom – with the same home care RN that cared for Mom.
I truly think my Nanny can be one of those Hospice patients that stays around for a long time (I’m hoping). We discussed the benefits and burdens of the things which could be done – one including taking a biopsy of the fluid in her stomach (I don’t want her to go through anything that is unnecessary). She can have palliative radiation to shrink the tumor (it has become uncomfortable and large) and continue with Hospice care.
And honestly, my family needs all the support we can get. It is basically my Aunt and me to provide care. My Aunt is truly out of her comfort zone and although she’s been great, she does look to me with questions. Hospice can provide wrap around services which will certainly be an assest. I would love for Nanny to move in with my husband and me (I could have my hospice people involved) but she is independent and we all need our homes – after all, she gave up her home to go live with my Mom for three months)
I am truly only going froward and not feeling a lot of anything at this time. On Friday, it was the two month anniversary of my Mom’s death. I’m still living in the world of what I would tell my clients is emotional anesthesia. Life is happening around me but I’m truly not a part of it. I’m numb and simply exist.
I’m thankful I got away last week – and I’m going to be hopeful that my husband and I can take the planed trip we have scheduled in May. It is the things that I do for myself on a regular basis (massages, acupuncture) that help to keep my head above water. Ah, the importance of self care – although I do think I’ve consumed too much caffeine over the past week.
I suppose I could feel sorry for myself – and in a way I want to- I just don’t have the time for that right now. My goal is to try to find the humor in each situation or at least the grace. I still continue to believe I’m in a movie and I’m hopeful the ending will be ok.
So, it looks like this blog will become what my e-mails were to my friends while my Mom was sick. This will be how I communicate so I ask that you check back regularly, sign up to receive e-mail etc.
I’m blessed to have people in my life who love me. I say thanks for each of you daily.
