This past Tuesday I celebrated 525,500 minutes of my life – or as I always call my birthday ” Another Trip around the Sun” (I’m a Leo by birthright and I love the Sun and also love to make it a point to share it’s my birthday!)
If I had written this post early on Tuesday, the tone would not have been very positive. To be blunt, the past year has SUCKED! (Hey, this is my blog and I don’t have to be proper). I truly missed hearing my Mom and Nanny’s voice wishing me a Happy Birthday. One year ago I was grieving our miscarriage and wasn’t sure what we would be doing next in our life. I had no idea of what the months to come would look like for me or anyone in my family.
Yes, the past year has been difficult for me and I am beginning to feel the reality of my losses. Tuesday, I reread some pages from my personal journey and a theme that I found in my entries was “One day, one step.” I have always felt that our perspective in any given situation is most important. We have the ability to chose how we react to situations.
“You didn’t have a choice that your loved one died but you do have a choice in how you grieve.” This was what I told every client who came into my office. Yes, something horrible happened that was out of your control but what you can control is how you react and deal with the emotions.
“Grief is normal and there are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope.” As I look back at the past year it does appear it has been nothing but grief. The loss of our baby, possible loss of the dreams of ever having one, my Mom’s cancer, the grief of leaving where I had spent most of my career, grief of my grandmother’s cancer and now her death. Oh yes, there have also been other small losses of issues with friends and family which I have had to grieve along the way.
So, didn’t I say this post was going to be positive? I promise that I’m getting there.
Perspective. Not all of the 525, 600 minutes have been painful. There has been laughter and happiness, trips and memories made. Despite the pain of the past months, I know there have been good times. Until I began writing this blog, I was not one to outwardly put out to the world how I was really feeling. We all have those friends who post what I call is the “Look at pitiful me” posts on Facebook or twitter. From a psychological point, I know they are doing it for sympathy and they receive something from the reactions. I’m not like that as, despite this blog, I still believe that some personal aspects of life are truly that, personal. However, my goal in writing this blog and sharing is to help others to see that you can get through the difficult times in life. We each are responsible to each other in regards to attempting to offer support on our journeys. That is what I am hoping to do here.
I have been measuring my life is smaller increments of time for so long that when you look at a whole year it can be truly amazing. I’ve been guilty of spending too much time thinking about the future or the past that I do miss out on the current moment and as a result that second, minute, hour is gone.
A favorite quote I have is “I’m looking forward to looking back on all of this”.
I realize that the quote alone is one of spending time in the future but I truly believe that I am in a time period in my life where someday I will look back and realize that there was enormous growth and changes in my life for the better. I’ve said to many Friends that I know things will be OK – it’s just getting to the OK that is going to take some time and energy. The devotional reading on Tuesday used the example of road construction after winter and that sometimes in addition to filling pot holes, a road crew has to replace a road completely. There have been moments over the past months that I have felt like the life that I knew has been destroyed. However, over the past weeks I have also felt that my life is being rebuilt – alas, slower than I would like but I would rather take time than rush through.
So as I am rebuilding/recreating/making this chapter of my life I wanted to spend some time reviewing the positives of the past year.
We’ve been to two NFL games – where we were either practically on the field or were lucky enough to have press passes!
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| Miami Dolphins Press Box |
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| Press Pass |
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Bengals – Dolphins game in October – seeing a pattern here
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I’ve been fortunate enough that I’ve been able to stick my feet in the sand on four different beaches (sorry, can’t find all of the pictures)
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Hollywood Beach FL
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Vero Beach FL with my FF E!
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Spent some time in the sun in some gorgeous places
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| Florida Keys |
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| Hollywood Beach FL |
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| One of the many beaches |
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| Lexington Kentucky on an afternoon drive |
We’ve drank some great drinks…
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| I’m not sure when we started taking pictures of what we were drinking! |
And traveled to some of our favorite places
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Oak Haven Resort in TN – Cabin 48 – a MUST STAY
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| My birthday weekend in Vegas |
Of course, it is equally important to enjoy each minute of each day rather than simply waiting for the long weekend trip or special event. I’ve had so many great moments with friends where I simply was supported and loved by being with them – lunches, walks, exercise class, shopping at a craft store, a text at the exact time I needed it. And of course, I’m blessed beyond measure with a man who is the most wonderful thing that I know.
As I write this, I realize that part of making your life is acknowledging what you have (of course, I’ve always tried to stress that). It can always be easier to point out what you are missing, what others have that you don’t. My perspective is looking at what I do have. That’s not saying there will not be days when all I want is to have my Mom and Nanny back with me. I am human and that is to be expected.
I truly do not know what the next year holds for me as I am not making elaborate goals beyond taking care of my health, teaching my classes and finalizing my Mom’s estate. I’ve purposefully decided to not take on too much (which is huge for me as I’m an overachiever) and I’m still not 100% comfortable with it. I’ve always been a planner and organizer – I’m taking on some new skills.
What I do know is that I’m on a journey
And I’m Hopeful and somewhat excited about what is to come!
Thanks for following along! Here’s to Another Trip Around the Sun!!
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