When Does Judging Make One a Mean Girl?
The reality is that each and everyone of us judge each other every day.
We make quick decisions about others based upon appearance, the type of car that is driven, or how polite one may or may not be. Our quick judgements and gut responses have been known to save individuals from serious situations such as being robbed or injured. We make judgement calls for survival. Sadly, our quick superficial judgements can also prevent us from establishing positive relationships with others. Please don’t act as if you are not someone who makes judgements. A friend recently shared that her regular Zumba instructor had to be out. She heard from others that the fill in instructor taught a kickboxing class and automatically expected the class to be difficult. Upon arriving to class, she was surprised to see that the instructor was overweight and certainly didn’t look like someone who would be teaching an exercise class. She certainly didn’t feel that was after an hour of trying to keep up with the instructor and receiving a serious workout. After the class, another student shared that the instructor had lost 150 pounds. My friend commented how natural it was to look at the instructor and think “She’s overweight and needs to workout.” rather than ” She’s working out and has lost 150 pounds.” Do you find yourself judging others in any of the following ways?- The shy woman is perceived as snobby. (Shyness makes it very difficult to open up to others)
- The overweight individual is thought to be lazy. (Maybe they are like the example above)
- The Coworker who is always late to meetings doesn’t care about the job as much as you do. (Do you know what else is going on in their life?)
- People living in expensive houses don’t know what it’s like to need anything. (Regardless of income level, individuals have struggles.)
When do you think judging others makes one a mean girl?
I love the story about the overweight instructor. It is so easy to look at someone who is overweight and think they are unhealthy/lazy/etc…but we don’t know their story. Thanks for the reminder!
This story really stands out to me and I had to share it. What we see isn’t always what we think it is.
I was discussing this very point with my fiance yesterday – so many perceive judgement as inherently bad, forgetting that it’s a natural part of the mental process of assessing a situation. Many of us do also, however, take judgement to a really negative level. Great article as always! xx
Thank you Anastasia. I truly did want to point out that judgement, like you said, is not inherently bad. We all just need to become aware of what we do with the judgement. I so appreciate you and your comments!! XOXO
You’re right, we are always judging. But at the same time, I do try to keep an open mind as much as possible. Like your story about the exercise instructor – you just never know what is going on in people’s lives or what their perspective is until you get to know them. Great article and a reminder for us all. Thanks, Sheryl!
Thank you Mia!! We easily can forget that everyone has a story and we don’t know at what part we are meeting them in. They could be in the middle of a huge life crisis or they could be celebrating a huge milestone in their life (like losing 150 pounds).
Lovely as always! In one of my classes in college, we talked a lot about the biological and psychological reasons behind judgement and sometimes, it’s in your best interest to make quick assumptions about someone! I must admit, I have been guilty of making harsh judgments of other women — just the other day I saw some girl in my fitness class that was incredibly thin and I immediately had a negative judgement to that. Once I realized how cruel my thoughts were towards some girl I don’t even know, I was able to let that judgement go. I personally believe that awareness is everything, especially when you’re talking about making quick judgments.
Rebecca, it’s so true that we often have to make quick assumptions – and sometimes they save us. I’m just like you and have lately found myself thinking things about others that were truly not justified. I’ve also become aware of how others talk. And finally, yes, awareness is everything. The first step is becoming aware and then we can make changes. As always, thanks for being you!!!
I think we can all relate to this and of course are all guilty!!! I need to be more aware! I think infertility has DEFINITELY made me more aware that I never know what struggles other people are facing!!!!
I so agree with you that our own struggles do make us view others differently. This is something I want to become more conscious of and I want to somehow stop others when I find that they are being judgemental to others. It’s not necessary. We are each fighting our own fight.
Ahhh so much truth in this post!! And you’re totally right- none of us can say that we don’t make judgments. I always try to keep in mind the quote “be kind to everyone you meet for you never know what battle their fighting.” It doesn’t always work but really helps me keep a good perspective. I would say that judgmental thoughts that we later verbally express (especially to one another) are when it can become mean girl/woman. Not saying that it’s okay to have judgmental thoughts but there’s definitely a difference between keeping it a thought and actually saying it out loud.
Sarah, I so agree with you that the line gets crossed when we move from simply thinking something to saying it to someone else. After I wrote this post I started thinking about how I have often made statements about what someone was wearing (not harmful but nonetheless, I was talking about someone). It’s a slippery slope as I believe that we have to make judgments at times.
Oooo definitely! Things start out innocent enough if it’s just a comment on their wardrobe but can quickly lead down a steep slope. The thing I struggle with the most is I’m more prone to judge in a mean way when I’m around certain friends- I’m totally aware of it and yet it’s really hard to stop and change that pattern in the friendship (especially when they don’t see anything wrong with it!)
I’ve been working on a similar post, though it’s not nearly as eloquent as yours. I am definitely guilty of being judgmental but it’s something I’m sincerely working on. We all have our battles and I’d rather celebrate others instead of bringing them down. Such a beautiful post!
Thanks Lindsay – I can’t wait to read your post! We are human and we make judgements. we simply need to be aware of how we expand upon those judgements. Most of the time the whole world doesn’t need to know about them! I’m like you and want to celebrate what people do. It makes the world a nicer place.
and honey does the judging ever exist for bloggers. the things people have said to me that have never once met me. we are all guilty of judging others that’s true.
I’m always appalled at what bloggers say about others. A friend was recently told to shut up by someone on twitter – really, who does that. I’m thinking of you and sending hugs! XOXO