How to Say No

By Sheryl | February 28, 2015 |

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Knowing the appropriate times to say yes and no is a significant part of self care.

Earlier this week, I shared a post on the Power of Yes. For today’s Self Care Saturday, I wanted to share a previous post I created on How to Say No.

In January of 2013, I established saying yes as my word of the year. I’ve discussed how this has helped me to focus upon new opportunities I may have otherwise ignored. At the same time I have also said No to different things which have come along. I wanted to spend time today discussing the art of saying no, why we need to sometimes say it and how it can become a part of your self care routine. Did you know that “No” is a complete sentence? It doesn’t need any explanation or excuse. It stands alone. However, most of us have difficulty in allowing it to be its own response. Many of us simply think that we can do it all. We can work 40 hours a week, cook dinner nightly, chair a committee, take the kids to practice, make cute decorations for the party, and plan a surprise party for our parents anniversary. I believe that many of us even say yes to situations without considering the ramifications of the choice. Always saying “Yes” isn’t healthy. Perhaps we agree to things because we truly do want to be helpful; or we feel it’s an honor to be asked; or we want to be liked and feel saying no will make us look bad. Whatever your reasons for constantly saying Yes, here are some ideas on how to say No. Remember:

Saying NO can be a form of self care and IS NOT being selfish. When we say NO we are honoring existing obligations.
Saying NO can allow you to try new things. Always agreeing to take part in the same events or activities does not expand your skill set or network.
Saying NO can open the door for others to step up. There have been a few times in my life when others have said no to tasks that have allowed me to take the lead in the situation. In reverse, I have said no to opportunities which have allowed others to take on new responsibilities.
Saying NO can ease stress in your life. Weigh the stress that saying yes will place on your life. Take time to consider what you will need to change in order to make time for the new task and responsibility. Will the outcome be worth the stress it will place upon your life? Be cautious in regards to eliminating self care time in order to add more to your schedule. Neglecting yourself will only be harmful in the end.

How To Say No

Be Firm and Say NO. Use the word NO. Don’t be afraid to say it. No is a complete sentence.
If you feel an explanation is needed, be brief. “That isn’t going to work with my schedule.” “That isn’t going to work for me.” You do not need to provide any further explanation.
Be Honest. Don’t create an excuse that isn’t real. This will often only backfire and you may be caught which creates even more stress.
Be Respectful. There will always be good causes and organizations that you want to support. However, their needs may not fit into your schedule. Compliment the work that is going on and share how much you respect them. You may even want to state “I can’t do this ______ but perhaps I could do __________.”
Be Ready to Repeat. You will likely run into someone who continues to push, hoping they will find you in a weak moment where you change your mind. While my Mom was receiving treatment, I was asked to accept a board position 3 different times (by three different individuals). By the third ask, I found myself looking at my life and wondering if I could make it happen. Fortunately, I was able to stand strong and say No once again.

Do you find it difficult to say No? I challenge you this week to think before saying yes.

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Posted in How To, self care and tagged Self Care Saturday

8 Comments

Lindsey Norman on February 28, 2015 at 10:32 am

“No is a complete sentence.” Such a great reminder. Sometimes this people pleasing mama forgets it’s perfectly fine to set healthy boundaries. I appreciate your tips for self care.
- Sheryl @ How to Make a Life on February 28, 2015 at 1:13 pm
  
  Lindsey, I’m so glad you stopped by. I believe we have to continually remind ourselves that it’s ok to have boundaries. It’s so easy to continue with routines of caring for everyone else!
claire on February 28, 2015 at 1:57 pm

Love this. I go through stages usually I’ll say Yes till I’m exhausted then I realise I have to say No. Then I start the cycle again x
- Sheryl @ How to Make a Life on February 28, 2015 at 2:23 pm
  
  Yes, Claire. It can be a vicious cycle. I’m so glad you at least realize it. Take Care of you!
Stacia on February 28, 2015 at 4:13 pm

So much truth has been spoken in these sentences. 🙂
In Due Time on February 28, 2015 at 5:23 pm

“Say no to good things and yes to better things” is what I try to live by!!!
Holly Higgins on March 1, 2015 at 11:03 pm

We’ve had this discussion before 🙂 and it was so awesome to finally be free of an obligation I haven’t enjoyed for years! As a friend of mine said recently, saying yes to something is saying no to something else. We’ve gotta be choosy about what we’re saying no to by saying yes to something else.
Amanda Nicole | Knock on Wood on March 2, 2015 at 1:26 pm

Oh how I needed this post today. Thank you!