Why You Might Need to Have a Pity Party
I’m warning you in advance that today I’m talking about something that you will not find many blog posts on. After all, many bloggers focus their blogs on being happy, enjoying life, being the best mom/sister/friend/person they could possibly be.
I try to do that on a regular basis in this space. For the past two years of my life I have practiced gratitude on a daily basis (often multiple times a day). I have looked for the good in the bad and accepted that things will not always be as they are. Each day over the past two years (starting with our IVF in April 2012), I have prayed for God’s will and been willing to accept that whatever happens is part of the greater plan.
Overall, I have done well with accepting the events which have been placed in front of me. I’ve got up each day, tackled my tasks and just kept moving. My mantra has always been Get Up, Get Dressed and Show Up. Eventually, things fall into a new rhythm and pace. A new normal.
I questioned if I was depressed (I have every right to be). I did all of my assessments and reminded myself of the emotional events I have gone through. I practiced all of my self care activities of exercising, journal writing, reaching out to friends (see below). I saw a short amount of improvement and then “The Funk” returned.
To make matters worse, all of my typical support system outside of my husband were also going through their own struggles of being overworked, sick children, battling sickness to the point some weren’t even able to return e-mails.During this time I also couldn’t help but think of the friends who had never been around for anything and the others who were willing to see me but only when it fit into their schedule. Also my college students returned from Spring Break and basically had shut down their ability to think.
I’m writing this today to perhaps help someone else who needs to spend some time basically acknowledging that events in their life aren’t great. Just as it is important to find the blessings, we also need to truly acknowledge the pain that we are going through. Being mentally healthy involves owning your story and your pain.
Part of the struggle with grief is that most grievers do not feel they can be honest with their emotions. Others are uncomfortable with the painful feelings and thus the griever often doesn’t acknowledge how he or she is feeling on a personal basis.
Even though I have known I needed to sit and simply feel sorry for myself, it’s been a struggle. It feels bad and I don’t want to be here but I know that in order to move forward I must take off this proverbial coat and acknowledge what I have gone through. I am not someone who believes in wallowing in self pity.
I can already feel the movement towards the future. (Which is a positive sign). My habits of finding the blessings come even when I don’t try.
Each of us go through difficult times in our lives and we can not compare our losses and say that one is greater than another. I do not know what you may be dealing with but I want to also give you permission to have a pity party of your own. Feel sorry for yourself, acknowledge that it is horrible and it sucks, spend a day watching bad tv (I spent a few hours), avoid the housework, list it all out, cry if you can (I’ve finally been able to cry a little).
Sheryl, I love this. I love that you are giving yourself and others permission. I have done this a few times and on Thursday last week I had a big time pity party.
Not sure if it was a good or bad thing that we weren’t together last week! I know that you understand.
I think we’re trained to feel like we’re imposing our sorrow on others when we allow ourselves to express our grief. However repressing it prolongs it, and expressing it alleviates it to a certain degree. I’m thankful to have read your post, and thank you for writing it. I wish you the best as you deal with your heartache.
I so agree that we often repress more than we realize. I’ve been so busy over the past year that although I was allowing myself to feel some, I was not fully allowing myself to feel in the way I needed. Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Sheryl,
What a wonderful post! I am sorry you are going through a rough time and think it is an awesome idea to give yourself a pity party! Was thinking a glass of wine or maybe some therapy might help?
This word known as grief sucks! My Dad died about 6 years ago and the strangest things can still trigger tears. I used to sit in the walk in closet crying for hours and I haven’t done that in awhile so I know I am healing but it is hard, no doubt about it.
Sending you positive thoughts today.
Take care of yourself.
I love this post. It is a breath of fresh air. I’m sorry you have been in a funk but I do know it’s normal and when we acknowledge the funk it is easier to work through sometimes. None of us have super human powers. It is ok if things suck. Vulnerability is rather brave. I’m always an email away, my bloggy friend!
What a wonderful comment to read this morning! It has actually helped me to simply state how I have felt and that things aren’t great. I know there will be moments to come and I want to respect them. It’s just helped to acknowledge this is all hard and not easy. I’ve got your e-mail and just might find you!
I absolutely LOVE this post…and really needed it! Thanks for writing it and giving me permission.
Bravo.
I am so glad this was helping for you – I wanted to be honest and realistic and hopefully let others know this is all OK and normal. Thank you for stopping by and commenting – it means a lot to know that others are reading and receiving something from my words. Take Care of Yourself!
🙁 Hugs! I’ve been meaning to ask you how your testing went. Gluten and dairy, huh. This is going to probably sound weird, but I think it’s great that you finally threw yourself a pity party. For me personally, I need to do this every now and then to feel better about things that may be going on in my life. Sitting in the corner, feeling sorry for myself and having a good cry about it is sometimes all I need to get into a better state of mind. I’m glad that it’s worked for you.
It’s helped me so much to just allow myself to feel sorry for me. I’ve been so busy over the past year (and avoiding that voice in my head telling me to slow down) that I never allowed myself to feel sorry. It’s helped to admit it and be there. I’m a counselor who just needed to take my own advice! (Always tell my clients I don’t ask them to do something I haven’t tried). Yes, I’m still gluten and dairy free and right now I’m on an elimination diet of rice/corn and believe it or not celery…. I was eating celery because it was an anti-inflamatory – well not for me. As I wasn’t eating gluten, I was over doing it on rice and corn. Eating clean and actually beginning to feel better….