This weekend, I was reminded again that this life is precious.
We go through struggles and trials and there are times when we all question if it is worth it. Loved ones are diagnosed with illness, jobs change and/are lost, and dreams may not come true. Yet, for most of us, we push on through the pain.
Tough times don’t last. At least that is one of the cliches we say to ourselves.
Saturday morning, my next door neighbor was found on his front porch. A car driving by stopped a neighbor and stated it appeared he had passed out. When she told her husband, he went to check and discovered that he had shot himself.
We had a suicide next door. On the front porch. In our neighborhood.
I have no right to share information about him and truth be told, I knew little as he was deployed when we completed our house build and he limited his interaction when he returned. I liked his wife and got to know her and was shocked when she quickly moved out with the children after his return. A divorce followed and our neighbor went back to the Middle East for contract work.
After living next door to him for four years, I only recently had the opportunity to speak to him as he normally would not make eye contact. James had more interactions but only slightly. We tried to be friendly. However, garages and fences create barriers that can make it easy not to cross.
One never knows what is going on next door, or down the street or around the block. Suicides occur in million dollar mansions and rented hotel rooms. My neighborhood of bankers, physicians, television reporters and business owners is no different. I mentioned a few weeks ago that when it comes to mental illness and other struggles we like to think it happens to someone else but
we are those people.
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Every 12.8 minutes someone dies by suicide. When it comes to military veterans (which my neighbor was), there are more than 22 suicides a day or one every 65 minutes. Some reports feel that number could be greater for veterans because deaths may not be reported as suicide when they were.
I do not know my neighbor’s issues. From across the fence I could assess that there was probably something going on as he limited contact with neighbors, had little visitors that I knew of and only sometimes had his young children. He mostly kept his blinds closed. I can’t assess someone from sight only but I questioned PTSD in regards to his actions.
I am sad this has occurred but am also aware there was little I could do. One can not go up to a stranger and state “You look depressed. Are you getting help?” or “Are you seeing a counselor at the VA?” I remind myself we did make attempts to know him and he pulled away.
As a counselor, I am aware of the road his family must travel. Grief over a suicide is complicated simply in regards to the manner of the death. There will be questions that may never be answered for them. I pray for his two young children and his ex-wife who will need to somehow try to make sense of an act that can not be explained.
Someone who chooses suicide is not in their healthy mind. I have often reminded family members of this fact. Sadly, that person is in a place where they can not see hope. The pain of the moment is so extreme all they can hope for is for it to be over. I believe that is where my neighbor was at on Saturday morning. He simply wanted whatever his pain was to be over and gone. I pray he is at peace.
Depression and other types of mental illness happens to males and females of all ages. It can be masked as stress and sadly sometimes thought of as the norm after a length of time. Mental illness is no different than any other illness in the body. Just as a broken bone may be treated with medication and therapy, depression can be treated with medication and counseling. Please review this list of
signs of depression if you are concerned for yourself or someone you love. There is hope.
[tweetthis twitter_handles=”@how2makealife”]If you or someone you love is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. [/tweetthis]
This life is precious. Take care of yourself and love your loved ones!
Linking up with Emily because I am grateful for this life I’ve been given.
]]>
Oh my gosh, Sheryl, that is terrible. I wish our veterans received better mental health care… They do so much for us and it upsets me that we don’t care for them as we should.
I believe the VA is trying to do more but they are battling a culture that views seeking help as a weakness. Thus, we have so many that are struggling but they self medicate with drugs, lose their marriages and sadly, make the decision that my neighbor did.
Oh I hate to hear stuff like that..bless their sweet souls! My husband was in the Marine Corps and we knew many people who struggled with their mental health especially when they got out of the military. Thanks for sharing this post to raise awareness.
It is so sad that many of our veterans still continue to see seeking help as a weakness. I have a close friend who served three deployments and I personally know how he has struggled. As I said, my neighbor didn’t make it easy to make contact.
this is so sad. I truly am so sorry to hear this. It really is heartbreaking.
It’s so sad to truly think about how he has probably struggled the past few years.
I’m so sorry. This is such a sad story but an important one.
Yes, it’s still hard to believe.
Such a sad story but good for you for getting the word out for those who may need help.
Thanks Nichole! I feel it’s so important that we continue to share the information and hopefully take away the stigma.
This is so sad. I am so sorry to hear this. But thank you for sharing the information for people to get help.
It was certainly a shock for all of us on the street. We each knew he was struggling but no one knew him well enough to say anything. We have to each educate ourselves and also realize we can’t “fix” another person.
Sheryl, I am so, so sorry to learn of this. Thank you for sharing the facts & information regarding suicide though… it’s hard for so many of us to think about because it IS sad and hard but gosh, so important to be aware and to let people who are struggling know they are not alone… there is always a way.
Thanks Emily, more individuals think about and consider suicide than we are aware of. So many view reaching out as weakness and that is something I hope someday we can eliminate the stigma of.
I already tweeted you about this post but I wanted to leave a more in depth comment. First of all, my heart breaks for his family as they are left with a million questions. Secondly, this is a good reminder to reach out to our neighbors for we may never know what they’re going through. I am so thankful you presented the facts and you are so right- sometimes there is nothing we (especially as strangers) can do. Praying you feel peace around the whole situation <3
It’s just a sad situation in so many ways. I won’t go into details but my heart hurts for the pain I he was feeling and what his kids will experience. What we can each do is simply try to be kind to each other. Everyone is dealing with their own struggle.
This is so very sad. I hate to hear that someone wasn’t able to fight off the demons in their head and decided to end their life. I hope that his story at least helps someone else find the help they need to get better. Depression is no joke.
The more we talk about depression, hopefully the more we can help each other. More people struggle with it than are willing to acknowledge and it is very sad.