The Women on My Journey
As you know from my post Waiting, my family has been with my Nanny as she lived her final days. We expected her to die several times over the past week and she finally died peacefully early this morning at 2:30 am. Although my aunt and I had both been taking turns sitting with her – she chose a time when her niece was with her. Despite living only 10 minutes away, my aunt was even unable to get there before Nanny’s death. As my aunt was unable to make it, neither was my husband or I but I was able to see her in her room before the aides got her ready for the funeral home. This was Nanny’s final gift to us.
I have felt from the beginning that I would not be with Nanny when she died. She has always been strong, independent and fierce and at her core she loved all of us so dearly that she did not want us to be present for that moment in her life. I am grateful that her niece was with her and that she was able to say to Nanny “It’s OK, you can go on now”.
Over the past week I have had relived many memories and what I find so comforting is that when I think of Nanny – every memory is good and makes me smile. There is not one memory of aggravation or being mad at her. She was my rock and always knew how to make whatever was going on better for me. We laughed together, talked together and often we would just sit together- reading magazines or watching something on TV. I have been immensely blessed by her presence in my life..
Today as I write this, I am numb in regards to the events which have gone on in my life. Nanny was diagnosed with cancer 2 months after my Mom’s death and it will be 2 months since her diagnosis when she is buried this week. The human mind is not able to comprehend those events at one time. It will be months before I am able to grasp the depths of what I have gone through.
That being said there are so many things I want the world to know about the two women I have lost this year. They were both amazingly sweet and wonderful women. The nurses continuously talked about how gracious my Nanny was – always saying thank you and my Mom was the same way.If you met my Nanny – you fell in love with her. I even have a friend who upon first meeting both of them stated she was going to steal them from me. I can only hope that I am small portion of as sweet and nice as they were.
Tonight I’m including a poem written by Rev. Melissa M. Bowers. I had it framed and presented a copy to both my Mom and Nanny at my wedding rehearsal dinner. I cried as I read it aloud to them. Each of our lives are a journey and we can learn from those around us if we chose to do so. These two women have helped to make me who I am and this poem says it in a perfect way.
To the Women on my journey
Who showed me the ways to go and ways not to go
Whose strength and compassion held up a torch of light
And beckoned me to follow
Whose weakness and ignorance darkened the path and encouraged me to turn another way
To the Women on my journey
Who showed me how to live and how not to live.
Whose grace, success and gratitude lifted me into the fullness of surrender to God
Whose bitterness, envy and wasted gifts warned me away from emptiness
To the Women on my journey
Who showed me what I am and what I am not
Whose love, encouragement and confidence held me tenderly and nudged me gently
Whose judgement, disappointment, and lack of faith called me to deeper levels of commitment and resolve
To the women on my journey who taught me to love
By means of both darkness and light
To these women I say bless you and thank you
From the depths of my heart.
For I have been healed and set free through your joy and through your sacrifice
I now realize I have two fierce little angels looking over me.
Until next time my friends……
What a beautiful poem! I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. My grandmother waited until my mother and I left her alone for a moment after sitting with her round the clock for a week…she knew what she needed. Blessings to you and your family.